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FOOD PARTY ON IFC

If you haven't been watching Food Party on IFC then get on it! The mix of high concept inedible food and surreal puppetry are truly amazing. Tivo it Tuesdays @ 11:15pm.

Food2

Ask and you shall receive.. Just as I announce that Food Network is losing it's edge and taste for food, Food2 is born. Food2 is younger spin-off of the Food Network offering web content on their own site and blog. It feels like the kind of cheap labor of love that Mtv was in its early years. It has the potential to be great, but only time will tell. In the meantime the site boasts, an inspiring mix of complex flavor profiles and recipes you can make in the coffee maker in your office cubicle. Who doesn't need that?

Message To Food Network

Dear Food Network,

Is everything okay? I am worried about you. As a former Food Network addict, I am concerned with the current state your channel. Your once food and recipe centered programming, has turned into an amateur hour of zombies and recipes not suited for check out lane booklets. If you need someone to talk to let me know. Until then, I have some tough love to share to help you out of your funk.

Here are some of my notes for your programming:

The Neely’s: Overbearing wife and gay husband neither of whom can cook. As owners of a southern BBQ joint, I don’t even trust them to make decent BBQ. Now they are awkwardly trying their hands at World cuisine and lettuce wraps? It’s a mess. Shut it down.

Cookin' For Real: Is the title implying that other shows are not really cooking, or is it a white person's idea of urban appeal? I like Sunny Anderson and believe that she actually likes food, but am bored by her. Her styling is a mess and seriously needs the help of hair and wardrobe people. She also needs a better overall look to the show and a gimmick or storyline for the segments for structure. Give her an occasion or someone to cook for that will make it feel less like she is just cooking for cameras in fake kitchen.

Chopped: My best guess is that this is meant to be Ted Allen's version of Top Chef. Ted Allen is off-putting. He is too tightly wound and passionless to get me excited about food. Stop hiring him to host. You need someone who can bring the food and flavors to life given that we can't smell or taste what is happening. The idea for this show is good, but poorly organized. I need some effort made into making the judges and contestants interesting. As it stands, I don't really care who wins or what feedback is given.

Ask Aida: A random skinny girl fields questions from her stuffy gay internet friend with his laptop. In a word, awkward. I feel like the hosts are from an amateur improv troop or public speaking class. At times it is painful to watch. I don't get the feeling that either of them loves food or being on television and it shows.

Ultimate Recipe Showdown: The show needs better production value and more personal stories to have me routing for contestants. The concept is good and the recipes generally look pretty good, but I am still bored. It should also be said that I had the Ultimate Recipe Showdown winning Mac and cheese recipe at TGIFridays and it was inedibly bad. I'm talking bland, watery, and overcooked. Food Network should be careful about putting its name on such horrible food.

Last Cake Standing: The concept is good and I am giving it a chance. I like that they are showing pastry chefs with talent rather than Duff and his band of Styrofoam jockeys, but the production is a little disjointed. I need a Tim Gunn type to come around and talk to the chefs about their work. I also want to feel more connected to the chefs as people.

Paula's Party: Paula is one of the few talents that exudes a love of food. She is clearly an asset to your channel. The show itself is a little awkward and relies too much on butter humor, but is better than your other attempts at shows with a studio audience. Still, Paula works best in her own surroundings as a real person. Get her back in her own kitchen as much as possible.

Barefoot Contessa: Bless that crazy lush. I love her life and her food. I don't even care that she keeps giving us the same recipes again and again. She loves food and makes good stuff. Find more people like her. I love a caterer. They make great food in simple and well-organized ways for the masses. I trust them. The Hardy Boys, while dull, made great food too. Hire more caterers!

Rachael Ray: She makes such consistently good and easy food that her sometimes-annoying quirks can be overlooked. She is the glue that holds your brand together. Even with one foot out the door, her own magazine, daily show, and all of the other crazy shit you are throwing at her she delivers. Without her you are in serious trouble.

Whatever Martha

Set your Tivo. Popmuse and I have been watching the new show Whatever Martha on Fine Living and it is the perfect thing to watch through a sleepless night. It's a terrible show where her daughter Alexis and Alexis's friend Jennifer trash talk through old segments of the Martha Stewart Show. Her daughter's comments are usually more bitter and bitchy than clever or funny, but it gives great insight into their blackened decoupaged souls

Free Pie

I just found out that I missed a trailer giving out free pie on a trip across the country to help promote the ABC show Pushing Daisies. Click here for more info. Incase you miss your chance for free pie they sent me recipes to make their pies and cobblers at home.

Ned’s Apple Pie

1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie
½ cup unsalted butter
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
¼ cup water
½ cup white sugar
½ cup packed brown sugar
8 Granny Smith apples – peeled, cored and sliced

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in flour to form a paste. Add Water, white sugar and brown sugar, and bring to a boil. Reduce temperature and let simmer Place the bottom crust in your pan. Fill with apples, mounded slightly. Cover with a lattice work of crust. Gently pour the sugar and butter liquid over the crust. Pour slowly so that it does not run off. Bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Reduce the temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Continue baking for 35 to 45 minutes, until apples are soft.

Ned’s One Minute Blueberry Pie

Baked 9 inch pie shell
6 oz. cream cheese
2 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
4 cups fresh blueberries
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/8 tablespoon salt
Water
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch

Soften cream cheese. Add milk and lemon peel; beat until smooth. Spread cheese mixture evenly in bottom of baked pie shell. Sprinkle 2 cups whole blueberries over cheese layer. Mash reminder of blueberries; spoon in 1-1/2 cups of pulp and liquid. Place in a small saucepan.Mix sugar and cornstarch Stir into the blueberry pulp. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly, and cook for about 2 minutes or until thickened. Coll mixture to lukewarm. Spoon the blueberry sauce over blueberries. Chill pie for several hours.

Ned’s Georgia Peach Cobbler

2 cups sliced fresh peaches (or any fresh fruit)
1 cup granulated sugar
½ cups butter
¾ cups self-rising flour (see note)
¾ cups milk
Ground nutmeg

Combine fruit with sugar in a bowl; set aside. Put butter in an 11x8x2 ½ inch baking dish. Place in 350 degree oven to melt butter. Butter should be bubbly not brown. Combine flour and milk; pour over melted butter in pan. Spoon fruit mixture on top. Sprinkle with nutmeg. Do not stir. Return to 350 degree oven and bake 1 hour or until cobbler is golden brown. Note: To make your own sel-rising flour, add 1 teaspoon baking powder and ¼ cup all-purpose flour.

Ace of Cakes Can Suck It

I can't handle the fact that Ace of Cakes is on the Food Network. Even more upsetting is the fact that my boyfriend makes me watch it in bed every night before I fall asleep. It should be noted that I majored in art in college and am a great lover of all things cake. That's why it hurts me to watch Duff take a such a tremendous crap on worlds of art and baking. He puts fondant on a piece of Styrofoam and calls it a cake. That might even be okay if the end result wasn't disproportionate and poorly executed, but it always ends up as a crappy cartoon knock off. What kid wants a misshapen flamingo made of metal rods and modeling chocolate for his birthday?! Duff, if you are out there I want you to reach inside yourself and answer these questions before you finish your next cake: What flavor is the cake? Is the cake made with edible materials? What good is an ugly cake you can't eat?   

Defending Rachael Ray

The gay community is divided in it's support of Rachael Ray. While I see the merit in both sides, I feel like her pros outweigh her cons. Personally, I think the gay community should embrace her and help rehabilitate her poor choices and eccentricities. I mean if we can still embrace Britney it would be hypocritical to shut out Rachael Ray.

Pros:
Has some easy and tasty recipes

Cons:
Sold her soul to Oprah
Married to a gay vampire
Makes bad hairstyle choices
Wears awkward skin tight long sleeve T's and jeans
Talks in food baby talk
Can seem cracky and robotic

Glad's Steamiest Chefs

As seen on Foodnetworkaddict, Glad is sponsoring a contest to vote for the steamiest celebrity chef to win a chance to have dinner with the winner among other things. I voted for Lieberman because he's cute, but I have no interest in him outside of the kitchen. I would rather have seen Tyler Florence, Tom Colicchio, or the Dean boys. Also on Foodnetworkaddict, was a rumor that Dave Lieberman has left the Food Network and is looking to create a casual dining restaurant in Los Angeles.

Cookie Party

Last night on the Sarah Silverman Program, I was intoduced to my favorite television show that never exsisted. A weekly cookie baking competition where viewers call in to vote on their favorite cookie. It's called Cookie Party. For more on the Silverman Program see Popmuse.com.

Popcorn From Beyond The Grave

Can we talk about the fact that Orville Redenbacher is back from the dead to sell us microwave popcorn?